Per masa’s request…  a new post:

Flying always makes me a bit introspective.  Few things do, but apparently getting in a large metal tube and hurtling through the air a mile above the earth puts some perspective on how teensy tiny my life is.  I guess it would be disheartening to some to realize how small and seemingly insignificant they are, but to me, it draws greater attention to the love, grace, and mercy of my God. 

I flew home to the Panhandle last Thursday.  As you may recall, the weather was not the best that day.  I knew it had been snowing in Amarillo that morning, but as of yet, my flight had only been delayed by 10 minutes and I was hoping to make it out of Dallas before it got bad there.   Alex dropped me off at Love Field and wished me a safe flight. I went on my merry way to check in.  When I got there, I typed in my confirmation number and nothing came up.  It told me to see a representative.  So I did and she asked me to enter it again.  Still nothing.  Weird…  We both agreed on this point. 

So she began to look at my confirmation paper.   “Umm… honey.  You booked your flight backwards.  You start in Amarillo and fly to Dallas.” 

“Cool.”

After confessing my moronity (it’s a word…) to another nice lady and getting that all squared away, I went and found the gate for my new (and much more accurate) flight.  By this point, my flight had been delayed 3 times.  Not by a lot, but enough to make me worry that I wouldn’t get to leave at all as it was supposed to be snowy and icy till the next morning.  They let us line up for boarding and began to call the 1^st few numbers.  But 30 seconds before they called us, ice began to hit the windows. At which point we hear… “sorry folks but due to the weather…”  And that was followed by several of the passengers saying words I don’t feel comfortable typing here. But you can use your imagination… 

Well, we eventually got in the air.  It was a dark and dreary take off.  The weather was gross and my attitude was beginning to resemble the weather.  I was praying we’d get in the air before it started sleeting again, but doubting it would happen.  While we were taking off, I noticed how grey and dark things were.   I turned my head from the window for a while because there wasn’t much sense in looking out; all I could see were clouds.   This went on for quite some time and then….all of a sudden…. there were no more clouds.  And on the other side of all that darkness, the sun was so bright that it hurt my eyes to look out the window. 

How many times do we let clouds into our lives?  Sometimes they get so dark and heavy and stressful.  They block out our view of the Sun.  And somehow, we eventually forget that the Sun is still there.  I get so frustrated with myself when that happens.  And it happens often. 

I’ve been so down lately.  The last year has been a roller coaster of emotions and I’m just about ready for the ride to be over. (though I fear it’s far from it)   I would say that I adapt to change fairly well.  Change in environments or circumstances are fine.  Heck, put me on the other side of the planet and I’m as happy as a lark.   I don’t handle changes in relationships well.  I don’t know if this will ever change. I don’t know how to just turn off emotions like that.  I’m getting so tired of dropping my friends off at the airport promising to stay in touch and to see them again, but knowing it is not likely.  I’m tired of tearful goodbyes.  If only the tears ended at the goodbyes…. 

 However, I know that as emotional as it has been lately, it’s not even close to being over.   The goodbyes have only just begun. 

It’s so easy to look on that and begin dreading it already.   It’s easy to let that dread become a cloud that hangs over my head blocking the brightness and warmth of the Sun.  It’s easy to let all the fears, pressures and concerns of my every day life affect who I am and where I’m going.  But when this happens, I know I need to keep pushing though the clouds until I can see the Sun again.  I know that on the other side of the clouds is something greater and much brighter than I could imagine on my own. I can barely imagine what lies ahead of me and I know it will be greater than anything I could dream.   I just need to keep flying till I can look down on the clouds below and say.  Hmmm… you’re not that big and scary after all………